December

December is one of my favorite months. I hate the cold and the dark, but the anticipation? The sensuousness? All the scarlet and crimson and cranberry? Champagne cocktails, shopping, baking, parties every weekend. Cranberry bliss bars and peppermint hot chocolate. Candy canes, for that matter. Wrapping gifts while singing along to Rent. Looking for that exact, perfect present. Writing out holiday cards with my gold pen and festive stamps. Decorating the tree. Hosting our Christmas extravaganza. I love all of it.

And yet…December gets so stressful. All of those parties, all of those to-do’s forming a long list. I start worrying about money and cleaning and finding the exact, perfect presents and all those extra calories and I have no time to myself and–

I don’t want to be like that this year. I promised Steve that if we could have two holiday parties (Christmas and New Year’s Eve) I would be really, really zen about it. I want to be zen; I really do. It’s not inherent, but I will try.

I’m also feeling super-guilty about falling behind on my writing goals. I knew when I decided to switch the book from third-past to first-present that it meant taking a huge step back, realizing that I was nowhere near ready to start querying. I knew it meant a huge overhaul, but I thought I might have another revision by December 1. Two months seemed reasonable. Except I haven’t written much at all for the last six weeks. It’s funny…writing chills me out and makes me happier than almost anything, and yet when I’m sad or stressed I have a hard time getting in the right head-space to do it. But I am supremely hopeful now that Steve is back from rehearsal-land that I might get back into a good writing schedule. Writing from 10-1 most nights seems to work for me, but when he was coming home from rehearsals between 10:30-11:30, I wanted to spend that late-night time with him. But I just rewrote 10 pages, and it was very exciting. I am happy with them. I am happy with me. And I do have two weeks off for the holidays. Dare I suggest a new draft by the New Year? Will that stress me out more, or help with the zen? 

We shall see.