When I was younger, I signed everything, “Love & Sunshine, Jessie.” No joke. I don’t even remember how it started. It was my signature for years. It was who I wanted to be, the image I wanted to project: happy and positive and bouncy. I was good at faking it even when I didn’t feel it. But the funny thing about faking it is that sometimes it works.
I had ups and downs, unrequited crushes on boys, drama with friends, fights with my sister, but for the most part, high school and college were exceedingly good times for me.
Then I went through this long phase at the end of grad school where I was miserable and anxious. My dad was going through a divorce, I was a bridesmaid in a wedding for people I was barely speaking to, I was working full-time and volunteering at two theatres and taking classes and comps, and basically my head just went BOOM. All my perfectionist tendencies made me a little crazy. And thank God for my husband and my friends and my doctor and my therapist, because they all convinced me I was still cool even if I wasn’t perfect, even if I wasn’t Pollyanna.
Anyway, my point is that the world is kind of gloom and doom-y lately. And everyone has moods, and everyone has bad days, but I notice myself being drawn toward people who are positive and sweet and sunshiney right now. I’m choosing sweet contemporary love stories instead of darker, edgier, upper-YA fantasy. I’m entranced by funny, generous blogs that aren’t too snarky (except the Fug Girls. They’re my kryptonite.).
I find myself wanting to be that bouncy, optimistic girl again. Not to fake it, but to work at it. Suck it up instead of complaining that it takes soooo long to lose weight, or shop for condos, or whatever the hell. I want to send more positive energy out into the world.
So I’m taking a radical plunge. I’m going complaint-free. One of my favorite bloggers, Christine Kane, is a huge advocate for this. I took an e-seminar with her once and it was awesome, but frankly, I epic-failed at going complaint-free. Still. The effort and the increased awareness of my own whininess were positive. I’m going to give it another whirl.