Bravery & Shoes

I am grumpy today, so I bought a pair of shoes. See?

Life has been all about the waiting lately: to close on the house, for Steve to get back from Sundance, for the central air to get fixed (which finally happened today), to find out what’s wrong with the Monkey-cat. As soon as one problem is solved, another crops up. Monkey’s bloodwork showed some high liver numbers, so he has to take antibiotics for two weeks to see if it’s actually a liver problem or an infection from some dental issues. (The vet doesn’t seem too worried since he doesn’t have other symptoms.) The A/C is fixed, but now the dishwasher is backing up into the sink and vice versa (which: ew). It’s all fairly minor stuff, but it’s been keeping me preoccupied. As soon as I feel like we’re settling into a new routine in the new house, something pops up.
I haven’t been writing.
That’s why I’m grumpy, really.
And the thing is, this is life. I have to learn how to work around it. If I wait for the perfect headspace to present itself, I’ll never get anything finished. I need to revise Garolass. I know what I need to fix: rewrite the beginning to ramp up the suspense and speed up the pace, clarify some character motivations (hi Quinn we are going to be getting to know each other better!), layer in more world-building, tighten tighten tighten. I’ve gotten some very encouraging, positive feedback and some concrete suggestions. I know what I need to do.
But the other thing is, I am scared. After this revision, I’m going to start querying. I think it is almost ready. It has been two years and four major revisions. I have learned a lot. I have grown a lot, as a writer. But it is scary. What if I can’t make it good enough? And so I think I have been putting it off. Because if you don’t try, you can’t mess it up?

But that is dumb. If you don’t try, you can’t succeed either. So I am going to be brave. No more procrastinating. No more shoes, either. I have way too many shoes. You are on notice, draft5. And you are ALSO on notice, Zappos.


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