So, I totally bought the new SWEET VALLEY CONFIDENTIAL book. I was a huge Sweet Valley High fan back in the day, and my sisters read the Sweet Valley Twins and Sweet Valley Kids books and later Sweet Valley University. I was a particular fan of the Saga editions where we followed the twins’ ancestors around and there was a twin named Jessamyn who was in the circus!
Clearly I could not resist finding out where Elizabeth and Jessica and friends are ten years later. Nostalgia trip!
Except I was totally disappointed. (Watch out, SPOILERS AHEAD.) I’m not sure I could have been not disappointed, because after lingering in my imagination for so long, I had very definite ideas of how their future should play out. And it was not Jessica sticking around Sweet Valley and marrying Todd, who was apparently in love with her all along, and Elizabeth ending up with a fabulous sex life with Bruce Patman! NO. First, Bruce pulled a rapey Chuck Bass move on her back in the day when she hit her head in the motorcycle accident and became Slutty Bad Liz, remember? Second, Bruce is way cooler than her. (Can you tell I’m not a huge Elizabeth fan? She’s so sanctimonious and easily-manipulated.) That book was awesome though.
Anyway, in my own personal vision of the SVH future, Lila and Bruce Patman have a crazy-fun marriage and run a company together and have really good limo sex. Really, I picture them like a grown-up Chuck Bass/Blair Waldorf. They’re always swanning around in insane outfits. Jessica becomes an awesome Broadway actress and sleeps around but she totally owns it. Elizabeth stays in Sweet Valley, marries Todd, is a reporter, has 2.5 kids and a Golden Retriever. She never gets stolen by a candy striper or impersonated by an evil third twin or anything fun and she totally wears mom jeans. Winson Egbert is gay and gets fabulous and buys a vineyard. Damn, I wish Olivia hadn’t died; she’d be fun to write for. I say Caroline Pearce has fertility issues, ends up with quintuplets, and gets a reality TV show like the famewhore she is. Stephen has an early midlife crisis from being so deathly dull and divorces Cara but not for a dude (um, SVH CONFIDENTIAL spoiler!). He marries a hippie chick and they run a vegetarian restaurant on the beach and his wife slips Elizabeth her “special” brownies sometimes just for kicks.
Who’m I forgetting? What do you think happens? Did you read SVH? What were your favorite storylines?